How Do Kids Learn When They’re Unschooling?

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If you’re exploring homeschooling options and stumbled upon the concept of unschooling, you might be asking yourself, “How do kids learn when they’re unschooled?”

Well, here’s the short answer: Unschoolers learn just like you do—through curiosity, exploration, and self-directed inquiry. Let’s unpack that idea a bit.

Table of Contents

The Unschooling Learning Process: Just Like You and Me!

Consider what you’re doing right now. Your curiosity was piqued when you discovered unschooling, and you wanted to learn more, which is why you’re here.

I know when I wanted to learn more about unschooling, I did the same things. I likely started with a Google search, reading articles (maybe even learning new terms), and then followed some bloggers, vloggers, and podcasters to deepen my understanding.

As I learned more, new questions emerged. I sought out answers to things like:

How do you legally unschool? (social studies)
How do unschoolers socialize? (social skills)
What materials and resources are needed, and how do they fit into your budget? (math)

I gathered all this information through reading, listening, and watching, but eventually, I turned to online communities for more nuanced advice. I asked LOTS of questions in Facebook groups or forums, such as:

What does a typical unschooling day look like?
How do unschooling families manage work and learning?
How do they handle criticism from others?

This journey of discovery (driven by my curiosity) is exactly how unschoolers learn.

At no point did someone dictate what information was necessary for me to know, force me to sit through a lecture I wasn’t interested in, or administer a test to ensure I’d learned what I needed.

How Unschooling Works for Foundational Skills

You might be wondering, “But what about foundational skills like reading, writing, and math? How do children learn these without formal instruction?”

Let’s take a step back and think about babies. Remember when your child said their first word? Did you spend time teaching them how to form their mouth and place their tongue to make a sound? Likely not. You trusted that, through listening to you speak, they would eventually start talking. And they did—naturally.

That’s the essence of how unschooling works. Children learn through the natural learning process, which is an innate drive to understand the world around them.

I remember when my youngest wanted to learn to read. She specifically asked me “how do you read?”

And I didn’t really know how to answer her. But I did recognize this was something she wanted to explore. So, here’s what I did:

Surrounded her with books and other reading materials
Read to her often
Let her “read” to me (even when she was just making up a story from the pictures)
Answered any questions she had

And guess what? She learned to read! And she increased her reading level so fast that I missed it and accidentally got her books from the library that were below her level. Whoops!

The Natural Learning Process: A Step-by-Step Guide

So, how does the natural learning process work? According to Ellen Criss in the Music Educators Journal, “the natural learning process works because learning is an activity as natural as breathing.”

Here’s how children learn through five key steps:

Observation: Children start by observing the world around them. They might watch how water flows in a stream, notice how animals behave, or see how you prepare dinner. Through observation, they begin to notice patterns, like how leaves fall every autumn, sparking deeper curiosity.
Mental Imagery: After observing, children create mental images of what they’ve seen, imagining how things work or how they might do something themselves. These mental images help them plan their next steps and develop an internal blueprint for their actions.
Imitation: Children then imitate what they’ve observed, whether it’s copying your actions or reenacting something they saw in nature. This imitation is often the foundation of play and allows them to explore new skills in a safe, familiar way.
Trial and Error: Through experimentation, children try different approaches and observe the results. This process of trial and error teaches them what works and what doesn’t, refining their understanding with each attempt.
Practice: Finally, children practice what they’ve learned, repeating actions to solidify their skills and deepen their understanding. Over time, this practice leads to mastery.

This cycle—Observation, Mental Imagery, Imitation, Trial and Error, and Practice—enables children to learn naturally, driven by their curiosity and desire to understand the world.

I have seen my kids go through this process many times! The mental imagery stage may be difficult to see from the outside, but the others stages are much easier to notice.

The problem is many well-meaning parents or teachers interrupt this natural learning process by intervening in the trial and error process (by trying to teach or doing it for them) and then cutting the practice stage short by forcing the child to move on before they are ready to.

Homeschooling vs. Unschooling: Is There a Difference?

Some might argue that unschooling is reckless, claiming it’s not a form of education at all. But that couldn’t be further from the truth! Unschooling is a form of homeschooling, just one that is more flexible and child-driven.

Do Unschoolers Use Curriculum?

Unschooling naturally means that most unschoolers don’t use a traditional curriculum, where the content dictates what the child will learn each day. However, this doesn’t mean that unschoolers avoid structured learning altogether. Here are a few ways we have used curriculum in unschooling:

Using recommended books from a curriculum to strew (leaving them out for the kids to discover). We do this often!
Offering a unit study to satisfy a specific interest or curiosity. I’ve only ever used free unit studies for this, since there is a risk that my kids won’t enjoy the materials. And for us, a prepared curriculum of any kind tends not to go over well.
Choosing a class or curriculum intentionally (usually for older children) when they want to dive deeper into a particular topic. My 7th grader has taken an entrepreneurship class, and she enjoyed it except for the quizzes at the end of each section.

Not using a traditional curriculum doesn’t mean there’s no structure in unschooling. Some families embrace a fully child-led, free-flowing approach, while others incorporate varying degrees of structure. It’s all about finding what works best for your family and, most importantly, for each child.

In our case, we lean towards radical unschooling but introduce structure when it aligns with the girls’ interests. For instance, this year, my 7th grader wanted to dive deeper into formal math. So I purchased a curriculum designed for unschooling and natural learning families. I’m excited about this resource because it resonates with my own interests, making it a great starting point for the girls! We haven’t gotten into it yet, but I’m hoping they like it!

What Does Unschooling Look Like?

Perhaps you’re on board with the theory behind natural learning and supporting kids to learn in ways that promote love of learning. But you likely wonder what unschoolers do all day if they aren’t doing lessons.

As I mentioned, my youngest daughter learned to read by being surrounded by literacy — lots of things to read, people who could read, and people who were willing to read with her and answer questions.

Both of my kids have learned math through:

board games for gameschooling
Cooking
books about math
Number Blocks on Netflix or YouTube
Having their own money to spend and save

They’re both obsessed with the Brad Meltzer “I Am” Biography book series.

There are so many ways to learn everything you need to know from life and lots of books.

But as I mentioned, because I don’t force anything, both of my kids have become interested in more complex topics like advanced math and grammar because they see a need for it in their lives or they’re simply curious about it.

For example, my oldest was in public school for part of 1st and 2nd grade, and she was “struggling” with reading and writing. She had a tutor after school (she liked the tutor, so I didn’t mind it, even though I didn’t think it was necessary.)

Then 2020 happened, and we went back to homeschooling/unschooling. She didn’t read or write for a while, and I was okay with giving her that break. But then she realized it was a lot easier to play Minecraft if she could read and write.

And in a matter of weeks, she was reading and writing regularly and at a level you would expect of a 9-year-old.

Learning happens so naturally and beautifully if we allow it to unfold without fear or judgment.

Pros and Cons of Unschooling

Every educational path has its challenges and benefits, and unschooling is no exception. Here’s a balanced look at the pros and cons:

Pros of Unschooling

Freedom and Flexibility: Children can pursue what feels good and fun on any given day. We love being able to go down rabbit holes and not be burdened by too much structure.
Interest-Driven Learning: Education is tailored to your child’s specific interests, leading to deeper engagement. My kids have an understanding of the topics they are interested in that goes way deeper than you would expect. In fact, they often shock other adults at their knowledge and insightfulness.
Love of Learning: Kids often develop a love for learning and seek out knowledge on their own, even in traditionally challenging subjects like math. Both of my girls came to me and asked what prime numbers were, so I found a YouTube video that we watched together, and now they know without the whining and complaining that math often elicits!
Reduced Parental Stress: Less planning and preparation time for parents. Using a prepared curriculum would likely take more of my time since it would require me to familiarize myself with the material before teaching. This is essential for me as a single working mom!
Fewer Power Struggles: Less time spent trying to get your child to do something they’re uninterested in. Life is so much more peaceful and enjoyable (and we’re still learning!)
Emotional Well-Being: Fewer emotional breakdowns since kids aren’t forced into activities they dislike. When my girls were in public school briefly, they came home to have emotional meltdowns quite often. And mornings were rough as well! Now they have time to grow emotionally, instead of just surviving emotionally.
Deep Exploration: No rush to move on to new topics, allowing for deep exploration.
Increased Self-Confidence: Children develop confidence and trust in their abilities. My kids question everything and really trust themselves, something I took almost 40 years to figure out.
Quality Time: You get to enjoy your children when they’re curious, creative, and fun—not just when they’re tired or stressed. It was awful interacting with my kids after school because they saved all of their stress for me (the person they trusted to break down in front of). Now we enjoy being together most of the time.
Role Modeling: For working moms, unschooling allows you to model a balanced life, showing your kids what it looks like to pursue your passions while being a warm, supportive parent. This is really important to me! I want my girls to know they can do anything, and I’m showing them that by following my passions!
Supports Different Learning Styles: My ADHD child thrives with unschooling, but did and would continue to suffer in public school.

Cons of Unschooling

Kids at Home During the Day: You need to be creative in managing work and other responsibilities. This is a con of homeschooling in general of course. But I prefer this struggle over feeling as if I never see my kids.
Continuous Learning Environment: School is never “over,” so setting boundaries is essential to meet your own needs. I’ve had to tell my kids that 9 pm is too late to ask for help figuring something out. I ask them to write it down for the morning.
Judgment from Others: You may face criticism from those who don’t understand or agree with unschooling. I no longer care about this, but in the beginning, it was difficult. What I’ve realized over the years is that the same people who criticized my parenting choices were the ones who told me how lucky I was to have such great kids. Go figure!

Unschooling: Is it Right For You?

For my family, unschooling has opened up opportunities we never would have had if we’d taken the public school or school-at-home route. We’ve found that we genuinely enjoy being together—something that wasn’t always the case when my kids were in public school.

We get to do fun things all the time, knowing that we’re always learning, and we rarely feel drained by doing things we don’t want to do. Unschooling has allowed us to live a more joyful, connected, and fulfilling life.